Fall eight, get back nine.

“Akak. Do u ever have a feeling to have ‘me time?’ the feeling of staying out of people. Out of crowd of voices.Yang ada hanya dengan makhluk Allah yang lain selain dari manusia.” Melepas nafas. Panjang. Dia rasa dia tengah tak okey. Tapi dia tak tahu atas sebab apa.

Untung sabut timbul, dia jumpa kakak ni. Dinamakan Kak Ai Ai.

Kak Ai Ai pandang dia. Muka dia tanpa riak. Nampak tenang tapi jangan disangka air yang jernih tanpa buaya.

Kak Ai Ai menghantar senyum pada dia.  Dibalas semula bersama hembus nafas  kasar.

“Sure dear. It comes once in a while. Im a human too right. Its ok je asalkn kita tak terlalu berlamaan sampai menjejaskn tugas abid n khalifah kita..”

Jeda. Angin petang tu, lembut. Ada, tapi tak nampak. Macam Allah. Yang Maha Lembut. Ada tapi tak nampak.

“Because we do need that time to recharge, rethink, muhasabah.. it should be done when we are alone with Allah. Be it in our ibadah, or our mihrab, or whenever, with alam etc..”

“But should be… Our ‘me time’ in our prayer right? No?” Dia mengulang soal. Kak Ai Ai pandang dia lagi sekali.

“What do you think dear? Did your feel its your me time during your prayer?” Dikembalikan soalan itu pada dia.

“I’ve no answer kakak. It should be like that. Should be. What why can I feel it? Macam para sahabat. Bila diorang cakap dengan Bilal, ‘wahai Bilal, rehatkan kami dengan solat.’ wuwu. Best la diorang ada perasaan camtu.”

“So so true. But we’re not robots, aren’t we..? The best people ialah para sahabat, we can follow them, but please do not compare your self with them kalau makin buat awak down.” Dia memang jarang sangat berbual tentang perasaan dengan Kak Ai Ai. Segan tak segan, dia cuma mencari jawapan.

‘to live my life back.’

“Kita interact with Allah all the time right.Sometimes mempelbagaikn cara berinteraksi tu is ok. Sebab manusia tu cepat jemu if only one method. That’s why in ibadah pun kita pelbagaikan dan tak hanya stick to 1 cara je..Even solat malam Rasulullah ada banyak riwayat berbeza on how he does it sebab Baginda mempelbagaikannya.”

Tunduk. Kuis rumput. Semut-semut kecil berjalan berbaris-baris. Senyum seketika.

“But when it disturb our mission of life, so it is seriously a prob right?”

“Okeyyy…righto. You think it disturb your life’s mission? Or it already did?”

Tabayyun. Bertanya untuk kepastian. Supaya takde salah sangka.

“Yep. (Gelak penafian). I miss my usrah yesterday. Idk. I got my reason actually but deep down inside, I think it just an excuse to avoid peoples. So it makes me felt bad. Or should i say, worse? It surely makes me unhappy with myself.”

“Sebab tu semua benda ada portionnya..
And that’s why perlu disusun aulawiyat supaya tak terlepas banyak benda. And that’swhy, the most important thing is kita jaga tarbiyah kita iman kita. Sentiasa dptkn bekalan. Sebab the dakwah that we do needs that bekalan2.”

“So….what should i do now if this is my state?”

“Bila dlm me time tu, try to cari balik apa yg akn buatkn awk bangkit semula.

And slowly usahakn keluar dr zone tu, it will be hard tp u know u have to do it..

Kalo akak, i will pasang n tadabbur surah at taubah utk ketuk diri balik.

Setiap orang different cara, tapi kita mujahadah dan usahakan..

Ada yg akn igt kematian..

Whatever that brings you back to remembrance of Allah, n bg kekuatan utk bangkit balik tu..”

Panjang lebar.

“But Huhu. I think yesterday i failed myself la.”

“That’s why it’s called a struggle.

Mujahadah.

“Fall seven. Get back eight”

“Haha. Akak, in my condition, I think ‘Fall one. Get back zero’. Ahah.”

Terus sahaja, pipi di cubit.

3:8

#brokenenglish

#borak2qadaya

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